Saturday, August 1, 2015



Ugh, why is this so awkward...
First thing first, I don’t even know what’ve gotten into me that made me opened this embarrassing blog of mine. I can’t help but cringed with every scroll I made here. I guess it’s been a really long time, and I’ve grown up so much now.
Now I’m not a silly 16 year old girl anymore, I’ve turned 20 a couple of months ago. But really, despite of my growing age, rasanya saya masih terjebak di dalam silly-16-years-old me. I’m still as clueless, as introvert, as insecure, as innocent (hell yeah), and as fragile as the 4-years-ago-me. Sometimes it feels like I’m not 20 yet, I thought that I just fall asleep and when I wake up, I’ll go back to my 16 years old again. 

But I have to admit that banyak sekali perubahan yang terjadi di sekitar saya. Saat dulu saya masih sok sibuk dengan pekerjaan rumah dari guru yang bahkan bisa selesai walaupun dibuat di pagi hari sebelum gurunya masuk kelas, sekarang saya harus sibuk beneran dengan kuliah yang super duper extremely hectic, terlebih setelah memasuki semester akhir. And it hits me once again, wow I’m not a high schooler anymore, I’m going to graduate college soon. Is this a dream?
And my friends. The more I grow up, the more I realize that I don’t need to have tons of friends to survive, I only need a couple of friends to lean on. Acquaintances here and there are good, but trust me, the more you have friends, the more you’ll feel lonely. And I’m thankful I finally found my ‘couple of friends to lean on’. They made me shared my problems and secrets when I used to keep everything to myself and burst into tears all alone. They’re my other half. They’re amazing. And I love them. 

One thing that I hate the most with growing up is, to see all my friends got their boys in their arms, even some of them are married now and have cute babies, and here I am. All alone. All the time. Meh.
People think that I’m picky but really, that’s not it. I have serious trust issue and a lot of insecurities so, I tend to hurt people when they tried to get close. Yes, blame me please. 
Don’t get me wrong, I hate to be all alone too. The more I grow up, the more I realize that I need someone to be with me despite everything. I realize that I can’t handle everything by my own. There are couple of times when I got into a complicated situation that made me think that I need to find a man really really really soon. Oh, and it’s so annoying to be teased jomblo ngenes and forever alone all the time. Ugh. The perks of being friend with in-a-relationship girls. But its okay, I still believe that Allah will give him to me someday. And it will worth it. 

Okay, moving on. Stop talking about my singleness.

This past few years, I’ve faced a lot of obstacles in my life to the point that I burst into tears and feels like giving up. But then I thought about how Allah gave me the opportunities that some people can only dream of, how my parents struggled to support me all the time, how much tears and sweats I’ve shed, and then I imagined the results I believe that I’m going to get someday, I decided to keep going. To give my best. I believe Allah loves me a lot that Allah will give me everything I deserve in the perfect time. All I have to do is give my best, pray, and wait.

Okay, wait.

I think I’m talking nonsense here lol forgive me please.

So, this is it. I still don’t know if I’ll continue blogging after this post but yeah, let’s see.

And please forgive my older posts gosh, so embarrassing.

See you when I see you!