Hello.
Ugh,
why is this so awkward...
First
thing first, I don’t even know what’ve gotten into me that made me opened this embarrassing
blog of mine. I can’t help but cringed with every scroll I made here. I guess
it’s been a really long time, and I’ve grown up so much now.
Now
I’m not a silly 16 year old girl anymore, I’ve turned 20 a couple of months
ago. But really, despite of my growing age, rasanya saya masih terjebak di
dalam silly-16-years-old me. I’m still as clueless, as introvert, as insecure, as
innocent (hell yeah), and as fragile as the 4-years-ago-me. Sometimes it feels
like I’m not 20 yet, I thought that I just fall asleep and when I wake up, I’ll
go back to my 16 years old again.
But
I have to admit that banyak sekali perubahan yang terjadi di sekitar saya. Saat
dulu saya masih sok sibuk dengan pekerjaan rumah dari guru yang bahkan bisa
selesai walaupun dibuat di pagi hari sebelum gurunya masuk kelas, sekarang saya
harus sibuk beneran dengan kuliah yang super duper extremely hectic, terlebih
setelah memasuki semester akhir. And it hits me once again, wow I’m not a high
schooler anymore, I’m going to graduate college soon. Is this a dream?
And
my friends. The more I grow up, the more I realize that I don’t need to have
tons of friends to survive, I only need a couple of friends to lean on. Acquaintances
here and there are good, but trust me, the more you have friends, the more you’ll
feel lonely. And I’m thankful I finally found my ‘couple of friends to lean on’.
They made me shared my problems and secrets when I used to keep everything to
myself and burst into tears all alone. They’re my other half. They’re amazing. And
I love them.
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| Milly-Me-Vega-Felly-Vero-Diana-Niki |
One
thing that I hate the most with growing up is, to see all my friends got their
boys in their arms, even some of them are married now and have cute babies, and
here I am. All alone. All the time. Meh.
People
think that I’m picky but really, that’s not it. I have serious trust issue and
a lot of insecurities so, I tend to hurt people when they tried to get close. Yes,
blame me please.
Don’t
get me wrong, I hate to be all alone too. The more I grow up, the more I realize
that I need someone to be with me despite everything. I realize that I can’t
handle everything by my own. There are couple of times when I got into a
complicated situation that made me think that I need to find a man really
really really soon. Oh, and it’s so annoying to be teased jomblo ngenes and
forever alone all the time. Ugh. The perks of being friend with
in-a-relationship girls. But its okay, I still believe that Allah will give him
to me someday. And it will worth it.
Okay,
moving on. Stop talking about my singleness.
This
past few years, I’ve faced a lot of obstacles in my life to the point that I burst
into tears and feels like giving up. But then I thought about how Allah gave me
the opportunities that some people can only dream of, how my parents struggled
to support me all the time, how much tears and sweats I’ve shed, and then I
imagined the results I believe that I’m going to get someday, I decided to keep
going. To give my best. I believe Allah loves me a lot that Allah will give me
everything I deserve in the perfect time. All I have to do is give my best,
pray, and wait.
Okay,
wait.
I
think I’m talking nonsense here lol forgive me please.
So,
this is it. I still don’t know if I’ll continue blogging after this post but
yeah, let’s see.
And
please forgive my older posts gosh, so embarrassing.
See
you when I see you!
